Temporarily Me

Handicapped or not? That is the question.

Being an achondroplastic dwarf comes with a fair amount of limitations from the beginning. I will never play NBA basketball, run hurdles, run track, do high jumps, etc.... I struggle sometimes figuring out just where do I belong. Some days I feel as able bodied as the next average height person. Other days it is all I can do to do the basics in life. Those days I feel handicapped. Yet, in my mind and with my pride I never want to admit that it is happening.

Many people have asked me why I don't have a handicapped placard. After all, walking great distances is difficult for me. I just can't seem to get up the courage to ask my doctor for one. I know he would give it to me, but I just can't seem to get the courage to ask him.

When I was young and attending LPA (Little People of America) regularly several adult dwarves told me and my friends don't ever stop doing things. Don't stop climbing because you won't do it again. Don't start riding a scooter because you won't go back to walking. Don't stop getting things yourself because then you will always rely on others. Basically, just don't stop. Don't stop doing whatever you can do for however long you can do because you will not go back to doing it again. Of course, my teenage mind paid little heed to this great advice.

As I have gotten older and my arthritis and spinal stenosis has kicked in, I now understand all of their warnings. It is the little things. Because of my spinal stenosis walking distances or on uneven surfaces can be very difficult. I go numb (like paralyzed) from the hips down after walking for too long. I begin using my hips to move my legs, I fall and the pain becomes horrible. So one day I used a scooter at the store. Wow! It was so easy to get to everything, so quick, so painless. So I began taking the easy way out and using those little scooters at the stores. Now, I always use them. I can't seem to go back to walking around these huge, enormous stores when sitting there is a scooter that will make it so much easier and faster.

Of course, losing weight when one can't stand on their legs for great distances can be VERY hard. I have heard other LP's (Little People) say in order for an LP to lose weight they have to cut their calories down to 900 a day. 900!!! A DAY! Being overweight is a constant struggle when one is a dwarf. The more you weigh the harder it is to get around, the harder on your already stressed joints, the harder on your already struggling back.

Today I feel handicapped. Today I feel I have limitations. Today I feel my dwarfism in all parts of me. Today I wish I wasn't a dwarf and didn't have to deal with this. Today I feel my limitations upon me. Today I feel jealous of my average height world.

Tomorrow I will probably wake up happy that I am me. Happy that I am different. Happy that dwarfism has shaped who I am and how I see the world. Today, I don't. Today I dread the day she asks me why I am different and short.