Temporarily Me

I don't know how many families deal with the pain of "that one". This is my little brother that not many people who know me have ever met. He is the second oldest and the oldest boy in our family. The struggles that he faces continually in his life are one of the most painful things that I have ever experienced or watched someone I love experience. As the older sister the guilt I have over his struggles and the inability to help him is never ending. Because of choices he has made, continues to make, because of psychiatric issues he deals with he has lead a life that is harder than the average person has had to face.

Yet, each time I see pictures of him or think of him I think of the rollie, pollie, laughing toddler he was, the sweet kid who helped everyone, the boy who almost drowned and almost died of hypothermia because he HAD to retrieve his dollar out of the creek near where we lived.

His heart when he is healthy is pure gold. He brought the gospel to our family because when he is healthy he sees only friends in strangers and will do anything to help someone. He befriended the missionaries as a child and brought them to our family. It is painful and guilt inducing to watch someone suffering as he does and to watch him make choices that only bring him more pain that because of free agency you have no control over and no way to fix.

I love him. I ache for him. I cry for him. I pray for him. I love him.

Hopefully, one day things begin looking up for him and he is finally able to be helped and rid of the things that constantly haunt him.