Temporarily Me

http://www.cmt.com/videos/taylor-swift/377565/the-best-day.jhtml
Taylor Swift's video really hits me in the gut for a couple of reasons. The first time I listened to it I was with Amanda, Julia and Bryce. I looked down at Julia and thought, "Man, she is growing up so fast. I didn't know it would be this fast. It‘s too fast.". So the video touched me because I wish I could explain to you guys how much Julia saved me when she was born and now Bryce and in a few months baby #3. It is hard when you grow up your whole life knowing that one day you will be a mom. Dreaming of your kids. Pretending to be pregnant with pillows under your shirt when you are little. I always, always knew I would be a mom. I just knew it. I relished it, I dreamed about it, I couldn’t wait.
So Julia and Bryce, they salvage my heart. My sister shares them with me in ways I never expected her to. It will never be the same, but I get something a lot of women who suffer this pain don’t get. I get to love them to pieces, hug them, help bathe them, sing to them, read to them, cuddle with them, watch them grow, hear Julia tell me she loves me and I am her best friend, hold a sleeping baby in my arms who cuddles against me, the first time Julia told me she loved me as I was leaving while she was slowly waddling up the stairs, the first time Bryce smiled at me, do Julia’s hair, feed them, play with them, laugh with them, and all of the little million things you get to see, experience, love.
Julia and Bryce are growing a million miles an hour and I didn’t know it would go by so fast. I didn’t know that it would seem like every time you turn around they’ve learned something new, they’ve grown up a little in some way. I didn’t know that I could love like this. I didn’t know that it would be possible for me to be so incredibly happy for my sister when she’s pregnant. I don’t know what this new baby will bring into our lives, but I am excited to meet her. (Well, they are 75% sure she’s a girl, it’s still early yet.) I was scared of not being able to love Bryce as much as I did before he was born or losing something with Julia. Now I know it isn’t possible. Somehow you just love even more. You grow your love, your heart. So with the new baby coming I am not scared. I know I will love the baby as much as I love Julia and Bryce. I do know this baby will bring new, exciting things to our family. New experiences, new love. So even though I am having some dark days I am excited and happy and anxious to meet the new baby. I am grateful for what I have even while I have times that I miss what I don't.